The Americans of course have a word for it; unfortunately, it’s a rude word so I’ll allude to it directly only the once: ‘Clusterf*ck’ (herefter emphasised to ‘CF’).
So what is a CF? I’m so glad you asked: a CF is where you do something really, really stupid and rather than say ‘that was a bit daft’, you try to fix the problem … which makes it worse. Then, through a dogged mixture of pride, stubbornness and sheer bloody stupidity, you try to fix that problem too … which makes things even worse but by now there’s no going back so you carry on and by this time usually your house has been burned to the ground, your business bankrupted or, in the case of Yeovil, the traffic gridlocked to the point where everyone goes to do their shopping in Sherborne or Dorchester.
Some fifty years ago, councillors decided that putting a bypass round the town would be far too conventional and also stuff their chances of a local game of golf and so, with great foresight and no self-interest whatsoever, elected to put it through the middle of town instead, at once ensuring Yeovil was cut in two; became dirty, noisy and smelly; and frequently gridlocked by the simple fact that, at several points, two lanes merge into one, thus causing turbulent, chaotic flow as soon as the traffic volume reaches a certain point (can you tell I used to be a physicist?).
Since then, the traffic department (now conveniently situated out of town and staffed by people who don’t actually have to drive in Yeovil), have been convinced that they are just one simple fix away from solving the problem: a new set of traffic lights, a one way system, a mini-roundabout – this, ladies and gentlemen, is a CF: so much so, that it is now, I am reliably informed, highlighted at at least one American University as the classic example of CF in town planning.
The latest futile attempt consists of three months of blocking both western approaches to our clinic (and pretty much the whole of Yeovil) in order to put some traffic lights on a roundabout. As a daily commuter down Hendford Hill, I agree the system does’t work – particularly during school time when the queues are three times as long. Anyone who drives in Yeovil could tell you that … which is why the Taunton-based County Council decided to start the work on the LAST day of the Summer Holidays!
Having driven past yesterday evening, it was nice to see that, after four days, they’d managed to break up some tarmac. Nobody was working of course; the idea of overtime during the daylit evenings or weekend working to speed through the paralysis of the town not having occurred to anyone who doesn’t actually have to come to Yeovil: it is, after all, only the A30.
